The Six Steps to Conflict Resolution

The Six Steps to Conflict Resolution is what the High Scope Curriculum uses to help decode and solve conflicts with children in the classroom. There are a lot of interpretations on how to use this and if it works or not. Personally, I think it works and it has worked with the most challenging situations and children. Some people say they have tried it and they don't believe it works. The keys to success with the Conflict Resolution is the willingness of the teacher and the willingness of the child(ren) involved. If you come into it thinking "this isn't going to work no matter what," then guess what? You just made things harder for yourself and the child(ren). It is extremely important to be consistent in using Conflict Resolution in your classroom if it is apart of your curriculum and program, so that the children can learn from your modeling and use it on their own.
Now, the first thing to realize about Conflict Resolution is the order of the steps; always do the first one first, but the rest can be jumbled up throughout the process. In my training, I was shown examples and told that the steps can be repeated throughout the process (i.e. gathering information more than once, coming up with solutions that do or don't work, acknowledging feelings, etc.) and it's fine if you are doing them out of order. We all know conversations don't just go by these steps so smoothly, especially with children. The point is that we are collaborating together in solving the conflict and figuring out a solution. I, High Scope, and The Six Steps cannot and will not guarantee that you will even get through all of the steps every time. Sometimes children aren't ready or aren't willing to solve the problem and choose something else to do. This is okay! If they do not want to deal with a problem, just make it aware what behaviors or hurtful words need to stop, and attempt to revisit it at a later time to gather information.

Let's put a big MYTH to rest: YOU NEED TO SET LIMITS. This especially comes with the first step because hurting someone or something is not appropriate and it needs to stop.

Now let's look at The Six Steps to Conflict Resolution with incorporation from my training knowledge and notes:

1. Approach calmly, stopping any hurtful actions

• Remain calm!
• Stop name calling, hurtful actions or destructive behaviors (place yourself between the children and get on their level and say things like "The hitting stops.")
• Neutralize any object in question (holding onto the object or having everyone hold it together during the process)
• Remain neutral yourself (don't take sides)

2. Acknowledge children's feelings

• You, the adult, acknowledge the feelings you think each child is experiencing; example: "You look very sad/upset/frustrated"
• Don't ask them; this helps build vocabulary and they will correct you if they want to. It is also helpful to use and teach (model) emotional vocabulary and the "words" they need to use. 
• State feelings concretely and simply
• Re-frame children's hurtful words as you acknowledge feelings and describe actions (i.e. I saw you kick the shelf and that tells me that you're frustrated)
• For transitions: Change "but" to "and;" example: "You're very upset about having to leave and we're going to eat lunch. You could (choice) or (choice).

3. Gather information

• Begin questions with "what" rather than "why"
• Listen neutrally for each child's perception of the problem
• Avoid taking sides
• Each child and yourself must understand the problem

4. Restate the problem

• Repeat the problem; example: "So the problem is..."
• Resist judgments and quick solutions; don't fix it
• Remind them the hurtful words and actions stop, but that it's not the problem (i.e. "It's not safe to push. Instead let's think of a safe way to solve this...)

5. Ask for ideas for solutions and choose one together

• Ask the children "What can you/we do to solve this problem?"
• Keep track of the ideas, reminding them if they are stuck or to ask another child in the area
• Ask for clarification and specifics; usually successful solutions are those that are clear and concrete. 
• Adults can only share an idea if the child agrees to them sharing it (i.e. "I have an idea, would you like to hear my idea?"). This is helpful when the children are stuck in the same solutions that don't work for both parties. As a last resort, you can tell the children that you will need to decide. 
• Ask each child within the conflict if they agree to the solution that one/both of them comes up with (i.e. "He said that you could pick a new track out of the bin and he could keep this one. What do you think about that idea? Is it something you would like to do?" The child will tell you yes or no. If no, then move onto the next idea)
• Encourage the children to come up with a solution

6. Be prepared to give follow-up support

• Describe how they solved the problem (i.e. "You thought of ideas and decided what will work You solved this problem!")
• Remain available in case they need more support
• Play with them

Lastly, I just want to be clear that I am not perfect with The Six Steps of Conflict Resolution. The goal is to use it and to use it well. It is something that you need to work on using and the more you use it, the more you are able to remember the steps and what is the best next step in your conversation with the child(ren). I thought that this training was extremely useful and my trainer really helped clarify what our job, as teachers, is the process.